I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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