I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
