ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
