I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
