I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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