I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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