how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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