i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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