perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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