Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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