Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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