I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
