i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
