Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
