Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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