So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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