Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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