yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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