He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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