Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
