I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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