Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
