I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
only if we run a train.
done.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Just pee around me
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Randomize