whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
