So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
