That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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