i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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