Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
