I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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