considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
