mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize