I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
