He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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