I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
