i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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