Having a random hookup so left but love u
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
