He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
