I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
