is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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