that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
