never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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