Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
