btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
