Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
