There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
