____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
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