Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
