Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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