Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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