I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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