we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
