mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
