How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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