puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Randomize
