Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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