It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize