I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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