how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize