I only kidnapped one of them. chill
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Vodka?
Forever.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I need a beard to bite.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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