Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
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