Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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