I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
