btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Bring me that man meat
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize