there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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