It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
