You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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