I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
