After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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