I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
She's the barista slut.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
