Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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