Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
