Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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