his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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