So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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