Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
