your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
