College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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