I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
As shirtless as possible
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize