all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
did i just pee glitter
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
