So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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