There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
